I'm so grateful...

For so many things this year. Mostly, for having gastric bypass surgery! It's been an amazing five months since surgery, almost every day I'm learning something new about myself, my body, or just the changes I'm going through.

Right now I am sitting here, comfortably...at the computer...in size 14 jeans! Yep, size 14! Just five months ago I was about 66 lbs. heavier, very uncomfortable in my own skin, and very uncomfortable in size 22 (tight) jeans. A year ago I was almost 80 lbs. heavier. I pretty much hated my body (ok, hate is a strong word, but you know what I mean). I was sick of trying to lose weight over and over and over, and always being a failure. The "tool" of surgery has been a God-send, and I couldn't have lost weight without it.

I have learned lately though, that old habits don't just die, and I do need to be aware of what I'm doing. We haven't had a lot of sweets or goodies around, even for the holidays, because whatever mom doesn't cook, crave, or buy, doesn't just appear in the house. But I did get two bags of candy for the kids' stockings, and ended up just putting it in a bowl on the kitchen table instead. Guess who keeps picking at it?? Yep, me. Hershey's candy cane kisses and Reese's peanut butter cups. I have to be aware of what I'm doing, and not just keep popping them in my mouth. I guess I'm doing ok, because I haven't eaten enough of them to make myself dump or have any problems, but still...I don't need to have any of them. I'll be glad when they're gone.

And last night Doug and I went to the Chinese buffet in town for dinner. Ha. Me at a buffet these days! I guess I figure I've stuffed myself many, many times over the years and gotten my money's worth, so now they can make a little money off me. I did put a lot of protein (chicken, shrimp and squid) on my plate and surprisingly ate more than I thought I would, but did stop way before having any problems and had them take the plate. I did ok. But I wanted to eat a lot more. And if I didn't have this "tool" of a tiny stomach pouch, I would have. I have to listen to my body these days and pretty much obey what it tells me to do, rather than before where I'd tell it "come on, you can hold a little more" and cram more in.

I have so many clothes to wear now it's not even funny. I do have a new addiction...clothes shopping! Thankfully I love shopping at Goodwill and Salvation Army, where I can get amazing clothes for sometimes as low as a dollar! I got a couple cute sweaters at after-Christmas sales too. I'm finding that I love wearing sweaters, where before I don't think I've worn a sweater for decades (too hot).

I think my hair is finally slowing down on the shedding. I'm not getting as much in the drain these days, probably 'cause there isn't that much left to lose! It's not looking too awful bad, but it takes a little creative hair styling to cover the very thin part at the top. Oh well, could be worse, and it's supposed to grow back in.

All in all it's been a good year. We're all healthy, still have jobs and a roof over our heads, vehicles to drive and enough wood to keep us warm all winter. And a snuggly, lovable dog (ok, her shedding drives me nuts!) to warm our hearts.

Here's hoping 2009 is a great year for everyone!

Happy Birthday to....ME!

It's my birthday (wow, 48 already!), and for once, I don't mind having pictures taken! Finally. I had Wes take a few pics of me this morning (so now some people can quit bugging me to post new pictures!!). He was standing on a chair, so it's sort of a weird view, kind of like my legs are really short or something. I also have on two shirts, because I'm cold often these days. Of course being in the middle of a Minnesota winter doesn't help.

I did a comparison picture (before surgery and now). Yuck...I don't even like to look at the old pictures.

I've lost about 63 lbs. now, actually if you count from a year ago, 76 lbs.! Amazing. I can feel such a difference. I'm planning to get my treadmill fixed over the Christmas break because I really feel like using it, which alone is something weird. I WANT to use it! I have an URGE to use it.

My Sister Keeps Staring at Me!!

From the mirror! I can't believe how often I'll glance in the mirror these days and see...Paula! It's weird. Doug even says the same thing, and sometimes the kids will too. It'll be fun the next time we get together, which who knows when that'll be cause they live in Wisconsin.

Last night he gave me a hug before bed and said "you're getting so little!" I feel so little too, this is taking a lot of getting used to, but it's fun.

I ordered some jeans last week because it was a really good deal to order them online rather than go to the store. They came Friday so I took them to Bemidji with me and Taylor (college visit). I tried them on Saturday morning, and told Taylor "Look, they fit me like an ass glove!" LOL. They did fit really nice. Makes me sorta sad, cause they are from Lane Bryant, where I've shopped for years, but they're the smallest size they carry (14/16). So that means within a few months I'll be on a search for another jean maker who makes nice ass gloves. : )

Meanwhile, it's almost time to clean out the closet again!

Tricky, tricky scale!

I had to laugh, no way around it.

This morning I got on th scale and it said 199.8!! WHAT?? I'm in Onederland?? OMGosh, I gotta show this to the Queen!

So I wrapped a towel around myself and went and grabbed my cell phone to snap a picture. Got the camera ready, jumped back on the scale, and it said....

200.6!! LOL, what?? I gained weight walking to the kitchen and back?!

Did it again. And again. And again. Always 200.6.

WTF?

It was funny. Just another example of how stupid little numbers can mess with our head.

Oh well, I know I'm close anyway. But wow, what a rush...I haven't been under 200 in probably over 25 years. This is fun!

Yesterday I was sorta bummed, but in a good way I guess. I went to put on a pair of dress pants, ones I had been saving for work...and they almost fell off me. No way could I wear them, so one more item of clothing I never even got to wear. I guess that's good, but I really liked them and was bummed that then I had to choose something else to wear. Almost time to go shopping for new pants again. I think the ones I had yesterday will be too big for Bri too, so they'll go into the bags of clothes I'm saving for a specific future surgery friend. : ) She's gonna have such a nice wardrobe to shrink into!

Going away to Bemidji tonight with Taylor, we're doing a college tour tomorrow. Tonight we'll stay in a hotel with a pool and hot tub...yee ha! I get to wear a swimming suit that I bought a few years ago and never fit into, so that'll be fun. I love swimming, and a hot tub will feel soooo good. It would be cool if they had a big window by the hot tub, and it was snowing gently, and no one else was around, and I had a glass of wine! LOL, I can dream, can't I??

Scary, scary hair!

I ordered a wig last week, and I hope it gets here SOON! : )

The drain in the shower is very scary these days, and last night I had a "dream" (nightmare?!) that I was running my hands through my hair and it just came out in big clumps, sorta like a bird's nest!

I didn't pay much for the wig, so we'll see what kind of quality it'll be (and I can send it back if needed). Hopefully nice enough to get me through a few months, cause I have a feeling I'm gonna really need it. I'm not even through my first month of hair loss, and have two more to go before it starts coming back in! At yesterday's craft show all I kept noticing were the women with very thin hair where you could see their scalp. Ugh. I think I need to focus on having nice, healthy hair. Focus...focus.....

On a better note, I'm less than 5 lbs. away from "onederland." That's amazing! Really amazing.

Revelation...and Half Way!!

I had one of the coolest things happen last night. I've been creating and testing some new "soap" products, and one of them is a bath salt. I mixed some up and gave it to Doug to test, since he's a person who takes baths every day rather than showers. When he was done I thought...I think I'll take a bath too just to see what the salts are like (he didn't notice anything....men!).

So I got my bath going and climbed in the tub. And I FIT!! I used to hate taking baths cause we just have a regular small bathtub, and there never was much room to move around or soak covered in water, cause I was too big. It was so cool to comfortably take a bath. Now I really, really want him to put in the whirlpool that's been sitting in our living room since February (he really hasn't had time at all, and I totally understand that...but now I'm a little excited about taking a bath in a big tub!).

Then this morning I got on the scale, and I've made it past the halfway mark! My goal is 160 lbs., but that might even be too low (time will tell). Anyway, this morning the scale said 208.4, and when I put that into my little chart (at the bottom of this page), it said I have 48.4 more lbs. to go. When I had surgery, I was 260.9, so that would have been 101 lbs. to lose. I'm more than half way in just three months! And I'm getting so close to "Onederland" - when you're under the 200 lb. mark and into the Ones. I haven't been there in probably coming up on 30 years. It's been 19 years since I've been this size.

Talking with Doug the other day I told him I made the -50 lb. mark, and I said "I don't know where the next 50 is gonna come from" and he said "Yeah, I was sorta thinking the same thing!" I am wearing 16s, and am very comfortable where my body's at right now, it blows me away thinking there's another 50 lbs. to come off somewhere.

Wig shopping??

Oh no, it might be time to go wig shopping! I keep watching the shower drain every day, and yesterday was scary!

I go for my 3-month checkup tomorrow. They say that around 3 months out from surgery most people start losing their hair, and it continues for 3 months, then will start growing back in.

Um, I don't have enough hair to last me for 3 months of losing it! That's scary! My hair is thin to begin with, and if I lose a bunch every day, it might take me a couple weeks and I'll be bald (or "bulbed" as Wesley used to say when he was little)!

Anyone know of a good wig shop in the Twin Cities? In a way it's sorta funny, I never in my life thought I might have to wear a wig, but even though I know that eventually in my older age my hair will be so thin you'll be able to see my scalp, I didn't think it would be so soon!

On a good note...I'm down just over 50 lbs. now since surgery. Yay!

Running?? Whaty wha??

I've had an urge to run lately. What's up with THAT?? It comes and goes and is so weird, I have to stop and think "where did that come from?" I am not and never have been a jogger, but it seems when I'm outside I just get this "you should RUN!" voice in my head that tells me to break out into a jog. And I have still been big time lacking in exercise, meaning I'm getting pretty much none.

I think maybe it's partly because my body is telling me that it would now be much easier to move, with 42 lbs. less of it to move around.

So, this morning I went for a jog!

LOL, ok, so I took the garbage can out to the road, and jogged back to the house!! So that's what...about a zillionth of a mile?! It felt good! So then I got on the treadmill and did a mile, walking though cause that stupid belt still slips and yikes, I don't wanna be at a full run when it slips. Still, I did it at 3 mph, so a 20-minute mile, which is pretty much where I always start when I start exercising again.

The scale hasn't been moving at all lately, and I know I need to exercise. I really do know it. I just gotta DO it. Just DO it. : ) I know I'm not taking in enough calories to support my weight without losing, so it must just be another one of those lovely stalls with the scale.

I even thought about joining the gym again and not telling the family, cause they'd want to go too and we just can't afford $100/month for everyone to go. It would work now while I'm off work, but when I go back, that would probably be the end of that too, and a waste of money. Sometimes I wish I lived closer to town so driving to something like a YOGA class wouldn't be such a time/gas issue too.

So I'm still figuring this all out. Guess that's how life goes though, isn't it?!

Sad day...sorta!

I was a little sad on Sunday, but in a "good" kind of way.

I cleaned out my closet again, put all the bigger clothes in bags to give away. It was sorta fun, but the part that made me sad was giving away clothes I never even got to wear!!

There was this really pretty black sweater I had bought to wear to work and since I didn't go back to work yet this fall, I never got to wear it.

But I guess that's ok!

Special Kind of Stupid!

This morning I had to laugh at myself. I recalled a joke that sorta ended like this (I think it was a blonde or aging joke): "Now, I’ve forgotten my address...my mother’s maiden name...and my keys. But I’ve never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat."

Well, I guess I'm now a "Special Kind of Stupid!" LOL. Yep, I forgot to eat!

Never in my wildest dreams would I think I'd forget to EAT! Come on...just how do you do that?

You get gastric bypass surgery, that's how! For two months now I haven't had a hunger pain. Not one. And I love it. It makes this so much easier. I really don't look forward to the part where hunger returns, and it will, eventually. Then it'll get a little tougher and more of the old battles will return with it.

But for now, I'm enjoying being "stupid!" : )

The Beautiful and the Ugly!

Last weekend I got to go camping! I haven't been camping in a very, very long time, and then it was hot and with kids. This time it was SISTERS' WEEKEND!

We camped at Banning State Park near Sandstone. The fall colors were stunning, and the weather was pretty good.

On Saturday there was a 5K run/walk, and 3 of the 5 of us participated. Not me though. I just wasn't sure I could walk 3 miles at once. I probably should have tried, I'm sure the rule-breaker in me could have snuck through the woods back to the finish line if I needed to. It also cost $25, which right now I didn't want to spend, even though it was for a good cause.

Anyway, camping was fun. I took my meager rations but ended up mostly eating off stuff everyone else brought. Saturday night we ate out, and I ordered a fish sandwich, took off the bun and ate about 2/3 of the fish "patty." I think it was too much grease (it was like a McDonald's fish but better quality). A couple hours later, if that long, my stomach just started hurting and hurting and hurting. I laid in the camper after everyone else was asleep just waiting for it to stop. I ended up getting up three times to go to the bathroom, which thankfully was close by. The starry night was beautiful, but I really wished I wasn't out there to see it!

Anyway, the third trip I finally threw up, and again was surprised at that (amount and no chunks!). I immediately felt better, went back to the sleeping bag and fell right asleep. Whew. I knew I was gonna throw up, I just couldn't do it at first. It wouldn't work.

The next morning my stomach was still very tender/ishy feeling for several hours, then became ok. This is really a big learning experience, that's for sure!

We went for a little hike and the day was just gorgeous.

Oh yeah, we also had an Ugly Sweater Contest while camping. We were gonna do it Saturday night, but got sidetracked, so we did it Sunday morning. We went around the campground asking people to vote, it was fun! Most people just started laughing and happily participated.


I won. : ) I knew when I picked this sweater up at Goodwill that there wouldn't be much to beat it!

Tami, Ter, Mar, Carol, Val

Oh yeah, and I'm now down, as of this morning, 39 lbs.! Today is 8 weeks since surgery, I'm wearing size 18s (my 20s are too baggy to wear now) and even squeezed myself into a pair of 16 jeans yesterday, for about 10 seconds! I did button and zip them up, but that was about all I could do, I didn't even want to move or try to exhale!

The adventure continues....

Oh Barf!

Yep, that's just what I did...barf! Yuck. Something I ate yesterday either was bad, or didn't agree with me! I fixed myself a "gastric pizza" yesterday for lunch: a whole wheat tortilla, some marinara sauce, pieces picked out of the leftover chicken alfredo (mushrooms, chicken and red peppers, and I think this might have been "bad"), and some mozzaella cheese. Popped it in the oven and it was pretty good.

I can't really eat bread/pizza crust, that's why the tortilla works well. It tasted good, at least the 1/3 of it that I ate.

And it was about 4-5 hours later that my stomach started to hurt, badly. I told the kids "I'd rather have surgery again than this pain" it hurt so much. Felt like someone stuck a knife in my stomach and was twisting it. I couldn't lay down to get relief, it wasn't comfortable to sit either. Just painful.

Then, ah...the run to the bathroom. Sorry, TMI I know...but when your stomach is only the size of 1/2 cup or less, you don't throw up much. : ) I was surprised though that there was anything at all still in my stomach, it was about 7 hours after eating that pizza that I finally threw up. I felt better, so I had a fudgesicle. Wasn't much longer and I had to go throw that up too.

So I'm thinking that maybe the chicken alfredo was too old, although Iron-Stomach-Wesley had some when he got home from school, and it didn't bother him. Maybe my stomach is just overly sensitive. Or maybe the mozzarella was old (I'll have to go check the package).

Slept on the couch cause I just really wasn't sure how the night was gonna go, but it got better. My stomach was still a little touchy this morning, so I had a little oatmeal and that went down and stayed down fine.

It's good to feel good again! : )

On a good note, the scale moved about 1.6 lbs. since yesterday morning. I'm down 35 lbs. now, whoo hoo! Had my checkup at the surgeon's this week and everything is good, except......(hanging my head in shame still) I need to exercise! I wish this part wasn't such a struggle, but it still is. Somehow I've got to figure this part out.

NO, I won't run with you Carol!! LOL. I'm not a runner! Most likely never will be either, I hate it.

Treadmill is boring boring boring. Any suggestions??

Treadmill

I got back on today. Yep. Finally. The belt had been slipping, but I think I got that fixed, so there goes my excuse. : ) Actually it felt pretty good, I did the mile walking in 20 minutes. Of course having Trace Adkins singing to me (oh, and that great little chuckle of his too!) helps the time fly by.

I need to keep with it. So far I've been doing great with food choices and drinking fluids, but I really need to incorporate the exercise.

Bought some cute clearance sandals today for next summer. And they're not even a WIDE size! This just might be fun!

Clogging (and I don't mean the dance!)

Yesterday I had "an episode." It was weird. I had eaten some roast and pureed squash (yum!), and I either ate too much, too fast, or didn't chew the roast enough, because just a few minutes after I was done I started to hurt. Badly.

I was standing in Taylor's doorway and all of a sudden I got this look on my face and headed towards the bathroom. To puke. But I didn't. I felt really, really nauseous and then the pain started, in the middle of my chest. If I hadn't known what was going on I woulda guessed a heart attack! It hurt, and wasn't fun.

It lasted about 30 minutes and then was done and I was fine. They say it'll last about 20-30 minutes, so I knew there was hope and all would be well.

But it really wasn't any fun at all.

So...I think I learned a little from it...slow down!

State Fair!!

Doug and I decided to go to the State Fair today. We got there pretty early, around 9:30ish, and as soon as we walked in he got a big, juicy turkey leg. Mmmm. Of course I had to have two little nibbles, it was so tasty. Chew, chew, chewed it to death.

A while later, after we walked to the other side of the fairgrounds, he got some cheese curds. I took one small one, peeled off the greasy batter, and slowly enjoyed the gooey cheese inside. Heavenly. I really wanted to be careful so I wouldn't have any "issues," that's why I took the batter off. It would have been too greasy for me and I probably would have had to run to a bathroom. We looked for the chocolate-covered bacon, but didn't find it. I don't know if I would have even attempted a taste, pure grease and sugar which would have been a disaster, although I have not had any problems with anything I've eaten so far.

Then he made me taste his beer!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaah! I'm not supposed to have any alcohol for 6 mos. to a year (depending on who you listen to), and I'm really just shy of 4 weeks out from surgery. LOL, but I really only had enough to get the taste in my mouth (he said it was good, I was like "it's ok, beer is beer to me"). So yes, I was the ultimate rule-breaker today.

Sorry AGAIN, Queen!! ; )

On the good side though, we did a LOT of walking. Oh yeah, and the scale finally moved this morning, it was down about 1.5 lbs. since yesterday. It hasn't moved for almost 2 weeks now, not one bit. So that was good. Maybe with all the walking today it'll be good tomorrow.

We were only there about 3 1/2 hours, and it was getting so crowded it wasn't even fun anymore. I really need to learn to retrain myself though, on the way out we got some iced coffee (mine decaf, skim milk, sugar-free syrup...yes, I've turned into one of those "very specific order" people), and I ordered us each a 16-oz., not thinking that I couldn't drink that much. Duh. Oh well, Doug drank it (not knowing it was decaf), so it didn't go to waste. I just need to remember that I need to get a SMALL, not medium or large anymore.

In time...

Starvation Mode!

Well, I've hit my first plateau already! The scale hasn't moved for a good 3-4 days, even though I'm barely taking in any calories. I think my body knows it's in starvation mode, and is hanging onto every little, or big, fat cell it can!

Here's where the good doctor's advice about the scale comes into play though. I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing....well, mostly. Enough so that I should still be losing weight. I haven't really done a lot of exercise yet though, but my plan is to get back at it as soon as school starts next week. I'll start with M-W-F mornings on the treadmill, and then bump it up to every weekday morning within a week or two at the most. That'll help. I was really faithful and good about my morning exercise last spring, then along came summer off and odd hours, working for others, etc. and I really fell off the exercise wagon. But I'm ready to get back on.

It'll also help once I can eat real food for meals, and the other bodily functions that come with eating kick back in regularly. : ) I am SO sick of protein drinks, I really don't know if I can choke down another one. I think I'll start making smoothies with yogurt and stuff and add some unflavored protein. We'll see how that goes. I got some V8 Splash tonight, that might make a good smoothie (Mango Peach, yum!). Only a few more days and I can "legally" have pureed food (ok, so I have cheated a tad bit). My first meal is gonna be pureed fat-free refried beans with cheese and sour cream. Oh my gosh that sounds good. I picked up some Panera Chick-pea Turkey Chili tonight too, I might freeze that for a few days and puree that too. Yummy.

But for now I'll just keep doing what I know to do and wait. That's pretty much all I can do anyway! : )

Visit with the surgeon

I went to the surgeon's office yesterday for my "1-week" checkup (although it was more like 12 days because that's as soon as they could get me in). Everything's fine, going as well as can be. Except I want to EAT!! : )

But the wise old man, who I'm quite sure has never in his life had a weight problem, had some very good advice (which sadly I probably won't follow, at least for now).

He asked me if I "was a weigher." Huh? I thought he asked if I "was aware." LOL, anyway, he meant "did I weigh myself a lot, like daily, hourly, etc." I told him just in the mornings. He said to stop. His advice was that "the scale can do nothing good for us. As long as you're doing what you're supposed to be doing and following the program, everything will work and you have no need to weigh yourself. The scale can be evil, if you don't lose weight you just get angry at it and depressed and want to give up, if you do lose weight you might think you deserve a treat and go easier on yourself and get off track. So just don't use it."

Hmm. Ok. Makes perfect sense to me. But this morning it said I'd lost another pound. : )

I can't just stop. At this point it's too much fun. I don't think the doc really understands the love/hate relationship we have with our scales (well, maybe he does, but...)

I got some more protein shakes and unflavored protein yesterday to add to my not-yet-pureed-food diet (meaning I can have things like pudding, strained cream soups, etc.). I'll give that a try today. I really am so sick of drinking my food, I can't tell ya. I know it's gonna get a LOT better in just a few weeks, but this seems like it's been going on forEVER.

Yesterday while driving back from the surgeon's, I was keenly aware of how many restaurants there are everywhere. It was all I could see! And if it wasn't a restaurant in my view, it was a billboard for a restaurant. I'm not really obsessed, I just was highly aware! And the radio...it's like every other ad was for some kind of food or restaurant, not to mention tv ads. Good thing I don't watch a lot of tv! It's no wonder so many of us are overweight, really, if you open your eyes and ears to how much food pushing is going on in America, it's truly amazing.

Neighborhood walk

Ok, I went for my walk this morning (I DID do the 2.4 mile walk the other day, and it kicked my butt!). Today I probably went a mile, I'll track it sometime in the van.

Anyway, I decided maybe I needed motivation to get out there, so I took my camera along and just took random shots of stuff I think is pretty/interesting/cool/whatever.

This is where I barter soap for farm fresh eggs!

Looks like a cool kids' hideaway!

Somebody has time to garden...and it's not me.

Aaaaaah....it's Grandmother Willow!!

Just some pretty weeds and fences.

Black-eyed Susans

The only crack houses I know of in our neighborhood!

Patterns in the driveway.

Field in blue.

Nature's patterns

Odd Comment

Yesterday I was doing a craft show, and the lady behind me had clothing. Supposedly she crafted them in some way (she kept telling people she did the beadwork on them, but I seriously doubt it, it was definitely manufactured clothing). Anyway, I bought this really funky cool sweater and a shirt from her (both wildly more than I'd usually spend, but I had soap cash in hand and decided to get 'em cause I loved them). We got to talking about my surgery because she offered me a frozen fruit bar, and I said I couldn't, telling her I had to be careful of sugar right now, and why. I really don't care who knows I've had the surgery.

She said "Well, I'm surprised they let you have that surgery, you're not that big!" LOL, sorta took me aback (she's a very outspoken type person). Um...ok, being 100 lbs. overweight is "not that big?" That was similar to the comment the nurse gave me when I went in for my initial visit at the surgeon's office. I had stepped on the scale, and when we got to the room, she was putting info in and they take a picture of you that day, and she said pretty much the same thing, "I never would have guessed you weighed that much."

I sorta felt the same way when I looked at the pictures Doug took the day of surgery, sorta like "I guess I didn't really look that bad" but knowing that I can and will look, and more importantly, feel, 100 times better taking 100 lbs. off my back.

The scale officially went below 20 lb. loss this morning, it was 240.4 (down from 260.9). Today's August 17th, surgery was just on the 6th! I can't hardly believe that in just a few days I'll be in the 230s where just really days ago I was in the 260s. It's surreal to say the least.

Tomorrow I go see the surgeon for my "1-week" checkup, it was the earliest appt. they had available after surgery. I have a few questions for him, but otherwise I'm doing very well and very happy I went through with this!

Slight torture...

Ok, last night I was working the Farmers' Market and sat there looking around at all the BEAUTIFUL fresh vegetables and, while "sad" isn't the word, I couldn't help thinking that it's too bad I can't have some of that right now. Everything looks so good and so fresh and so deliciously tempting!

Corn on the cob, fresh green beans, squash, beets (a new veggie I like a lot), fresh baked cookies and scones...it all looked SO yummy. And I can't have a bite! I have to keep in mind that yes, I will be able to have it all again, just in time. I should have done this in the dead of winter!!

Today I'm gonna start with the creamed soups. Mmmmm. Maybe I'll be able to get my fix of tomato, I bought some tomato basil soup. Yesterday I did have a little bit of pear applesauce, I just had a taste in my mouth I could not get rid of (protein drinks perhaps?) and needed to put some real food in there to get rid of it. It worked, no harm done, and it was good.

I can't believe how fast the scale has been moving, this morning it said 241.6. That's 19.3 lbs. in just about 10 days! Sorta reminds me of one of those tv commercials..."Would you like to lose 20 pounds in just one week?! Well we've got just what you need!" And of course it would never be true.

In a few minutes I'm finally gonna get my butt moving towards exercise, and go for a walk around the block (2.4 mile). I might be slow at it, but I'll do it. And then I know I'll feel terrific the rest of the day!

Girl Clothes!!

Today was a cool day! My plan for the day was to stay home and clean out my closet of clothes that already are too big. But Carol changed my plans for me and we spent the day wandering (and losing at the casino). It was fun.

But it was SO exciting for me...this morning I dumped out the bag of smaller clothes onto my bed to see what was in there, cause I haven't looked at it in ages. There was this top that I bought a long time ago that never fit, and I thought "What the heck, I'm down about 17 lbs....let's try it on." And it FIT! And I felt like a GIRL (ok, woman!).

It wasn't the usual plain, man's tshirt that I always wear, and that was a HUGE deal for me. I felt prettier. I was excited to be able to wear GIRL clothes.

The day was an adventure, and...I cheated a little. ; ) We stopped at a restaurant, cause regular people still need to eat, and I was hoping they'd have chicken noodle soup and I could order a cup and slurp the broth. No go. The choices were cream of chicken, or wild rice. So I ordered the cream of chicken, thinking it would be ok.

Well, it came and was thick. Really thick. So I licked the spoon, LOL! It tasted so good, even though I'm still not feeling any hunger pains at all. Actually I pulled the spoon out of the cupful four or five times and licked it off! I was fine, no adverse side affects. It's really only a few days early, and I really didn't have all that much, I'm sure not even a teaspoonful of soup, so I think it was ok. I guess it's too late to worry about it now. Sorry, Queen...I guess I can't follow the rules for anything (I told her I was gonna follow drs. orders to a T)!!

Oh, and I DID get my closet cleaned out when I came home, and put in all the smaller clothes I have so I can see what my options are and what to look forward to. I've got several bags to go to Goodwill (my favorite store!).

On my way...

I had gastric bypass surgery on 8/6/08, which as of today is just five days ago. It seems I've always been fat, or at least as long as my memory will let me think back to. It's been about 25 years or more since I had a decent weight, not that I haven't tried. I decided almost a year ago to look into gastric bypass after seeing a co-worker drop weight and look and feel so much healthier. Heck, she even looked taller! And she sure smiled a lot more!

So my journey really began last October when I went to the first informational meeting. From then it was fulfilling all the insurance requirements which involved a psych evaluation (ah, fun!) and 6 months of supervised weight loss. It really did go pretty fast (ok, I can say that now!).

Last Wednesday morning I went in for surgery, and everything went as good as it can possibly go! "Textbook surgery, everthing went step-by-step like it's supposed to" is what the surgeon said. It was done laparascopically, so I have seven small incisions in my stomach. They're itchy now but will be better once the tapes come off. Anyway, once I came out of the groggy anesthesia, things just started looking better and better. Of course it helped as soon as I could brush my teeth too! I came home Thursday evening. Pretty much I just felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach...repeatedly. Other than that it wasn't too bad. I didn't even have any pain meds after leaving the hospital! Heck, I even went to Walmart with my kids on Friday evening just to get out and do something (they drove), I was so bored. I'm not a "sit still" kind of person anyway, and I can only do so much tv or reading at a time (though I love to read).

I bought new digital scale because I didn't want to use our old one because you can gain/lose 5 pounds by how you stand on it! So ok, here goes...Last November when I went to the surgeon's office for the first time, I weighed in at...oh Lord....273 pounds! OMG! That's ridiculous. I think my highest ever was about 285. Ok, whew, now that that's out, we get to the happier part. Last Wednesday in the hospital I weighed in at 260.9. That was five days ago, but I didn't eat anything on Tuesday either. So I have really had six days of no food, just liquids.

I jumped on the scale this morning, and I do it several times because I just can't believe this is truly happening. This morning it read 247.8! HOW can that be? That's 13 pounds in six days of no food!!

Awe and disbelief. That's what I'm going through now. I'm in awe just watching myself, LOL. I took a picture of my face last night and I can see a huge difference already, mostly in my cheeks. I can't wrap my mind around the fact that this is really happening, and happening permanently. This is not the old lose some-gain it back game! I'm really, truly, gonna be skinny! For real! For real! I get so excited when I think of it.

Now, about what I'm really going through food/hunger wise...I am NOT hungry! Not one tiny bit. At all! It's amazing. I am supposed to, and have been doing well at it, drink 64 oz. of fluid each day, which means constant sipping to get it all in because my stomach can only hold about an oz. at a time right now. That'll change over the next year and I'll be able to eat somewhat normally. I am SO sick of crystal light, water, more crystal light, watered-down crystal light, more water, etc.! Last night I got some groceries (the rest of the family still has to eat!) and got myself some brothy soups and sugar-free popsicles, which are allowed. Oh, my, gosh! I warmed up the vegetable soup just to barely warm (have to keep things somewhat room temp right now for a while) and strained out all the good vegetables, meat and potatoes, and drank the broth. I was in heaven! Then I got to have a popsicle, and it tasted so unbelievably good I can't tell you! I was just so sick of drinking the same old same old that a new taste just was indescribable! I can't have anything other than clear liquids until next Saturday, then I can start on strained cream soups. Mmmmm. Cream of Mushroom without the mushrooms! : )

The reason I need to be on clear liquids is because my stomach has really gone through major trauma (um, being cut in two is major trauma I guess!) and is swollen and needs time to heal before I try putting things into it. After 10 days of clear liquids then I get about another 10 days of the cream (slightly thicker but still no chunks) soups. Then, week 3, I get to start on pureed foods, then a week after that I get to start chewing my own food! THAT's another major part of my boredom with water, I want to CHEW something!! I can't have gum because that causes gas in your stomach when you swallow air, and that's not good for the little stomach either. So I can't chew a darn thing.

One of the hardest things so far is not just grabbing something that looks good, like the jar of peanuts sitting on the counter, and sticking some in my mouth, which has been habit forever and probably a big reason I ended up this way to begin with. On Friday when we went to Walmart, Bri and Alex needed to eat, so we went to Culver's. I was not hungry. I had bought a new digital camera, so I sat there and played with that while they ate (and I drank more water), but it really takes some thinking to not just reach over and grab a french fry and stick it in my mouth. It does help that I have no hunger, but I still need to be conscious of what I'm doing or not doing.

My husband is so funny, and SO supportive! When I first mentioned gastric bypass, he said "I'll support you either way, if you want to have it or not." What a guy! He's amazed at the changes in a few days too, and he's working out of town this week so I won't see him again until Friday evening, heck I could be another 10+ pounds down by then! He was very helpful during the whole hospital/coming home part, what a sweetie. Now if only I could get the kids to pitch in a bit more and DO some laundry!

So my journey begins...it'll be fun watching it unfold! : )